Dating a married man with kids
And based on what I could tell from his online persona, he was married. I’ve caused the demise of many,” I wrote, declining his offer, and clicked Send. “The last thing you need is another literary married man,” she said, referring to my ex, a successful writer whom I hadn’t been able to get over for years. I told myself I’d go just to get more information, but if it turned out that he was in fact married, I wasn’t interested.
We weren’t in touch anymore, but a few months earlier I’d been devastated when I found out he’d recently gotten married. Never having had an affair with a married man, I did have a history of dating guys with varying degrees of unavailability and knew how painful it was. Sitting in the upscale restaurant waiting for him to arrive, I stared at the same line in the book I was reading over and over again, but the words were swimming in front of my eyes, and I couldn’t focus.
I’d long ago identified that the reason I was magnetically drawn to unavailable men was that I myself was emotionally unavailable.
So having a married boyfriend was perfect for me—it was passionate and exciting, and there was built-in distance so I didn’t feel suffocated, trapped, and in danger of actual intimacy.
Left to myself, my depression, anxiety, and OCD had been progressively getting worse, and I’d even started having debilitating panic attacks. But suddenly, I was alive, desired, and filled with passion and vitality. Overnight I went from years of celibacy to being naked on the floor of his office in the middle of the afternoon, constantly emailing and sexting, and having late-night dirty chats on Facebook.
The second wife found out her husband was actually a woman, but Ms Sen paid her to stay silent.“You know everything about me and I don’t know anything about you,” I said, because he’d read my writing, so he knew all about my childhood traumas, bad breakups, and struggles with depression, anxiety, and OCD. We’d only just met, but we could already tell each other everything about ourselves.“The balance is off,” I said, swirling a French fry in ketchup. Lunch lasted for three hours and turned into coffee at a café a few blocks away, and then a lingering walk through the Manhattan streets as the sun warmed us on that bright fall day.“Just so you know,” he wrote to me that night, “I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you for long.” A few days later we met for seltzers on a rooftop bar, and I curled up into him. I could hear the shuffle of footsteps and the murmur of voices, desk drawers opening and closing and phones ringing as he slowly traced his fingertips across me and looked at me like he never wanted to stop.It’s going to be hard to get over you, I thought, closing my eyes trying to freeze this moment at the very beginning that I already knew was catapulting towards an end.
Police said they were now unsure whether Ms Sen could be charged with dowry abuse or domestic violence, saying that because she was not really a man, the marriages were not legal.