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Remember that just because you are the submissive or bottom doesn’t mean you lack control.
Bottoms receive the same bondage and discipline as a submissive, but the idea is that it’s a temporarily role, and you don’t have to necessarily feel submissive.
While you can’t force the desire to dominate in another person, you can highlight how powerful he will feel by taking on that mantle so that he can make demands of and perform erotic activities with you.
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Either way, your boyfriend or husband might need encouraging if you’re really interested in submitting.
In fact, if he does have interest in dominating you, he might not understand what you see in playing the counterpart.